How Can You Be So Cold?
by Sigan
Summary: When Percy and Annabeth move in together to attend college, the daughter of Athena has trouble comprehending just how worn out Percy really is. Can she come to grips with his numbness, or will their relationship fall apart? Can Percy admit how he really feels, or is the damage done too deeply embedded? Oneshot for the moment...
1. Numb

"And just what the hell is that supposed to mean?" Annabeth asked shrilly.

She and her boyfriend, Percy, had been living together for a few months now, and ever since they'd decided to take that step, Annabeth had found herself absolutely perplexed by Percy's behavior.

In public, he was outgoing. He laughed and smiled and joked around with no problem. Percy Jackson could light up a room with nothing more than his mere presence.

When he was at home, however, he was different.

The smile that Annabeth had fallen in love with would slide off of his face, replaced with an empty, vacant expression. All the life would seem to just drain out of him, and he would sit on the couch, content to do nothing for hours. The chores around their apartment went undone. His college homework was ignored until the very last minute. He just sat there, absorbed in the TV or his video games. To Annabeth, it felt as though he were as useful and energetic as a statue.

At the moment, though, the couple was arguing for the second time that week.

Well, Annabeth was arguing. She had just thrown Percy's prized minotaur horn through their bedroom window, shattering the glass. They listened as the horn hit the ground outside, and unless Percy was mistaken, the horn had broken with a piercing _CRACK_.

The daughter of Athena breathed heavily through her nose. Percy was sitting on their bed, his elbows on his knees, his hands clasped as he stared at the carpet beneath his feet.

"It means exactly what I said," he muttered tiredly, "I just… don't feel anything."

It had taken several minutes of intense yelling for Annabeth to coax this confession from him, and even then, he didn't bother to tell her the whole truth. He omitted how tired he felt, and how fed up he was with everyone's expectations of him. He didn't tell her how hanging out with all of his old friends exhausted him to no end, nor how college just seemed to eat away at him. In fact, between juggling his education, his relationship, and his responsibilities as a demigod, Percy found himself worn pretty thin.

Annabeth crossed her arms. She looked so upset that Percy thought she might start crying… or she might just skip a few stages of grief and hit him. It was hard to be sure. If he was honest with himself, he couldn't blame her. Most days he felt like kicking himself for being such a slave to the stress.

"But I've seen you with Jason and Frank," she insisted, "and Nico, and Leo, and everyone else! You're always cracking jokes and laughing! You only act so sullen when you're around me!"

Without even meaning to, Annabeth had begun yelling again. Percy scowled, choosing to ignore all the little problems with his girlfriend's argument. There was no 'acting' involved, he was sullen because he was so gods damned tired all the time. And it wasn't just around Annabeth, either, he felt it every day when he woke up, every night when he laid down to rest, and every single hour in between.

But he chose to ignore this. He couldn't burden Annabeth with his pointless sadness. He rubbed a hand over his face, feeling a prickle.

'I have to shave again,' he thought.

It was just another thing to add to his already overwhelming to-do list.

After taking a deep breath, Percy tried to focus on the conversation with Annabeth, but her yelling only put him off. For a moment, he was tempted to tell her everything, but the idea made his throat tighten uncomfortably.

How was he supposed to express his frustrations over losing his entire young adulthood to his demigod responsibilities? How could he get Annabeth to understand how hard it was for him to process all but the most intense emotions? And even then, could he explain that his witty sarcasm was little more than an impromptu coping mechanism?

No, he couldn't tell her any of that. She wouldn't understand… and what if she hated him for it? Would she leave him if he revealed how truly weak he was? It was a risk he couldn't take.

"That's not true," he replied.

Annabeth studied him carefully. Percy could see the tears in her eyes, but the anger behind them was harder to look upon.

"I suppose I just don't understand how you can be so callous," she murmured, wrapping her arms more tightly about her person.

As much as Percy wanted to refute that statement, he couldn't. She was already crying, and something of her words rang true. Of course he was callous. After saving the world a bajillion freaking times, anyone would grow a little tempered. After facing down a million life threatening scenarios, who wouldn't become a little… numb?

He bit back a bitter smile. Somehow, he got the distinct impression that smirking would only make the situation worse.

"It's pretty damn easy," Percy sighed carelessly, "you just have to constantly fight for survival for almost a decade, and push the crippling fear of a painful death onto the backburner, where it can turn you into a cynical, hollow shell of the person you thought you would."

In an instant, Percy realized that he had said too much. Annabeth stared down at him, wide eyed and astounded, as though her entire view of him had been skewed since they'd first met, and she was just now getting a clear picture. All of his cynical jokes, and all of his obliviousness now seemed different. It wasn't quite as funny and endearing as it once was. Now it was touched with a cold disregard that she had never seen before.

"So what? You wish you were never a demigod?"

A single tear fell from the corner of Percy's eye, but otherwise, his face was a blank mask. Slowly, his expression twisted, pulled into a humorless grin that made him appear to be an entirely different person.

"Yeah," he realized, "I wish for that every day."

* * *

 _ **Author's Notes:**_

 _ **Well, ladies and gents, it is currently real sad boy hours. I had this realization that Percy, while ideally a well adjusted and healthy young man, may not have ended up that way. What if everything he'd been through took a toll on his relationship with Annabeth? What if, in some deep, dark part of our beloved hero, he wished his responsibilities weren't his?**_

 _ **Here's a ton of sad music to listen to while you think about sad stuff...**_

 _ **Time In A Tree- Raleigh Ritchie**_

 _ **Slow Dancing In The Dark- JOJI**_

 _ **hopes up- nothing, nowhere**_

 _ **Wither-Jake Hill**_

 _ **hiccup- versache**_

 _ **Low- Lund**_

 _ **Mr. Rattlebone- Matt Maeson**_

 _ **I never thought you'd be my enemy- vaboh**_

 _ **again- timmies ft. Shiloh**_

 _ **I'm not coming home- Brennan Savage**_

 _ **the broken hearts club- gnash**_

 _ **forever/over- EDEN**_

 _ **Don't let the sadness keep you down, guys. Thanks for reading.**_


	2. Together

The door to the apartment slammed shut behind Annabeth, leaving Percy alone. The Son of Poseidon listened somberly to her angry footsteps as she stomped down the hall and out of earshot.

When she was gone, Percy dragged a hand over his face. Bitter tears began to sting his eyes. Somehow, he knew this would happen. After admitting that he didn't want to be a demigod anymore, Annabeth had looked furious. She hadn't told him that their relationship was over, but as far as he was concerned, she didn't need to. It was written all over her face, and embedded in the disappointed look she'd shot at him from over her shoulder.

Nothing seemed real, and Percy felt the world twist beneath him as vertigo kicked in. He wanted to yell, or cry, or drag Riptide in a vicious circle, destroying their apartment and obliterating his life with Annabeth once and for all, but he couldn't. They'd been together so long… could he really just walk away from that?

All at once, he realized that his relationship with Annabeth was far more important than he'd initially anticipated. He had chosen to live with her so that they could attend college together. He was going to do his best to fit in, and not cause trouble so that he and Annabeth could smoothly transition into adulthood… the more he observed the facets of their relationship, the more he understood that she was the reason he even tried to put on a brave face.

He remembered touring campus with her, and feeling anxious and overwhelmed until Annabeth had taken his hand. She'd smiled that smile, and her stormy-grey eyes lit up, like they always did when she was about to learn something new, and suddenly he wasn't anxious anymore.

Everything he'd done leading up to that point was to make his life with Annabeth better. Now that she was gone, it was as though a veil had been lifted from his eyes. His tears stopped, and his eyes went wide as he finally came to grips with how desperately he needed her in his life.

Every second he'd ever spent with Annabeth replayed in his mind, going so fast that it was more of a mixed montage of blonde hair, grey eyes, and Annabeth's trademark know-it-all smirk.

Without even thinking, Percy grabbed his hoodie, pulling it on and zipping it up before flinging himself out of the door.

* * *

He reached the entrance of his building and had to stop to let Mrs. Heatherly pass by. She was a wrinkled old lady who smelled like kitty litter and mothballs, but Percy didn't mind. She had invited Percy and Annabeth over to her apartment a couple times for coffee. Her husband had died fighting in the war a long time ago, so while Annabeth learned about what life was like during World War II, Percy got to see some of her husband's war memorabilia. The guy must've been a real life war hero or something, cause he had medals up the wazoo.

"Oh, thank you, dear," she muttered, smiling at Percy.

He barely managed to return the smile, "Not a problem Mrs. Heatherly."

"Say hello to Annabeth for me!" she called, leaving him frozen at the door.

"Yeah," Percy muttered, hoping against hope that it wasn't too late.

With that, the Son of Poseidon came to a halt on the pavement. The sky was cloudy, and a chill gripped Manhattan as a light rain fell. Autumn was on its way out.

Percy looked one way, then the other. All he saw were downturned faces of people bustling in every direction, no doubt trying to get out of the freezing rain. Despair gripped Percy. Could Annabeth have hailed a taxi? Where could she have gone?!

His mom didn't live too far away. The reason they had chosen that particular apartment building was because it was equidistant from the college and Percy's mom's place, just in case anything happened. If Annabeth hadn't left for college, it was the only other place she could go on foot.

Percy had just gotten into stride, and forced his freezing hands into his pockets when a small cough got his attention.

In a little alleyway off to his right, Percy saw a dumpster, a stray cat picking through the surrounding clutter, and Annabeth. She was huddled against the cold brick of their apartment building, and her hair and shirt were both doused from the rain. Her eyes looked red and puffy, as if she'd been crying.

"Annabeth?"

She turned away, sniffling and wiping her eyes. Percy's heart sank to somewhere around his knees. He stood there, stunned and unsure of what to do or say. After a moment, he sighed and took off his sweatshirt, wrapping it around Annabeth's shoulders. She flinched, but pulled the sweatshirt more tightly about herself.

"When I said I wish I wasn't a demigod… I didn't mean it," Percy muttered. "I just… there's so much other shit going on, and I guess after fighting for survival for years on end, you tend to get a little-"

"Numb?" she guessed.

Even without looking at him, Annabeth knew she hit the nail on the head. Percy was such an idiot sometimes. Did he really think that Annabeth didn't feel it, too? She had been beside him every step of the way, on almost every quest he'd been on. They'd shared more near-death experiences than most couples shared kisses. Annabeth was no stranger to how difficult normal life could be for demigods.

"Yeah," Percy rubbed the back of his head. Annabeth turned and her heart skipped a beat. The way he smiled that sad little half-smile reminded her of every dire situation they'd ever been in. It was almost as if were saying ' _this totally sucks, but I'm glad you're here.'_

But Annabeth wasn't ready to smile… not yet, anyway.

"Come back inside," Percy said, pulling Annabeth's wet bangs away from her face.

"Will you make me the extra special cocoa?" she asked.

"I'll make whatever you want if you forgive me for being such a jackass."

A smile broke through her somber attitude, like a ray of sunshine peeking through the clouds on a rainy day.

"Then I guess you're forgiven," she sighed, wiping her runny nose on the sleeve of Percy's hoodie. She stood on tiptoe to plant a wet kiss on his cheek before taking his hand and leading the way back into their apartment building.

* * *

 ** _Author's Notes:_**

 ** _What, did you guys really expect me to leave things like that? I am, first and foremost, a sucker for happy endings. That said, relationships are hard work and dedication. Even the best couples have disagreements and fights and tense moments of vulnerability. But I'm not your couples' therapist, I'm just here to write fanfiction. So, I guess that's mission accomplished for me. Oh, and it just so happens that I have an inspirational/unlifting song to go with this, too._**

 ** _Get Up - Shinedown_**

 ** _Thanks for reading, guys._**


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